Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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