I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
