Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
