All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
