There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
