watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
