i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
