Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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