now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
