He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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