it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Let the clothes fall where they may.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
