He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
