remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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