listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
