so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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