one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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