hell yes lets make some ravioli
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need to calm my uterus...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
