So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
whose ass print is on the piano?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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