I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
