toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
