So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
