Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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