Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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