the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
