You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
