So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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