our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
