So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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