When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
