So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
