Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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