Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
