Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize