His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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