i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
