I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
