Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
