Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize