i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
