i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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