I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
