i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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