i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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