I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
