I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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