I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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