The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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