At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
