I'd wear matching sweaters with you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
