Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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