I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
