Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We are two peas in an std pod
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
