ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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