Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
