I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
