i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
