I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
