booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
