Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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