: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
