I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
