It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
