At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize