i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize