anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
