Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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