i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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