There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
