I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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