Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
